


Won't Let go

by blondehairgreeneyed09



Category: Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 05:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10690335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blondehairgreeneyed09/pseuds/blondehairgreeneyed09
Summary: Flashback of Clay and Tony's story together based on "Say you won't let go" by James Arthur





	Won't Let go

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy!

Clay x Tony story based around the song, "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur

 

Tony could remember the moment he first laid eyes on Clay. They were in the 3rd grade, and sitting next to him was an awkwardly, shy, nerdy boy with ruffled brown hair and bright blue eyes. Every day that year Clay wore some superhero tee shirt with a blue hoodie and sneakers with jeans. Slowly Tony earned his trust, and bonded over video games they liked, and soon they were practically inseparable.  
Growing up Tony always had his three older brothers and older sister to look out for him, not that he needed much. Tony had always been able to handle things on his own, and most kids never tried to mess with him. Clay on the other had was a different story. He was an only child, and his complete being practically pegged him as someone to bully. Which happened, a lot. So Tony took it upon himself to watch over Clay, put kids in their place, and eventually the kids just stopped.  
Tony was the protector, the one always making sure Clay was good, and always being able to get him out of his comfort zone. Their elementary school friendship which use to be filled with video games, sleep overs, and adventures, traveling throughout the years into young adult hood, which lead them to navigate dating, girls/guys, drinking, and life lessons together.

_“I met you in the dark._  
_You lit me up_  
_You made me feel as though_  
_I was enough._  
_We danced the night away._  
_We drank too much_  
_I held your hair back when_  
_You were throwing up”_

There’s only a few nights that greatly stick out in Tony’s mind where he can see where everything started to change. They flash through his mind like a slideshow now, his greatest moments, laid out as though it were a road map of his life.

\--Sophomore Year—  
They met in the dark street just outside of Bryce’s house. The music was pounding, and it seemed as though every teenager in their small town was at this party. Clay had been the one to convince Tony to go, he much rather would have stayed at home, hung in the garage and worked on a car. Clay on the other hand had grown a lot, and though he wasn’t comfortable going to the party, he had claimed to Tony that in order to have a real high school experience they had to do things that may have made them uncomfortable. Tony remembered scoffing at the statement, mainly because he had said the same words to Clay thousands of time before.  
So Tony went, if only to please Clay.  
The party was loud, and thumping, and he couldn’t count how many times some moron spilled a drink on him, or the amount of times a girl pushed past them crying about something. Every now and then Clay would bump into him, normally after being pushed out of the way, and he would give him the lopsided smile, indicating that he was defiantly out of his comfort zone.  
Tony had grabbed them beers, and by the end of the night, after one too many beers for both of them, the two found themselves outside waiting for one of Tony’s brothers to pick the two up. Clay, bent over hurling into a nearby bush, and Tony remembered laughing as he sent his brothers the address of the house.  
“Come on buddy, don’t get it on your jacket” he lectured, grabbing the hood of his jacket and lifting it up.  
Clay’s only response was a thumbs up, as more vomit came up.  
Finally when it subsided Clay drowned the water bottle in his hand, rinsing his mouth with it before turning and giving Tony a sheepish grin.  
“Told you not to drink anymore” he couldn’t help by grumble as the two made their way to the curb, only stumbling a few times.  
Clay grinned as he stumbled to the curbs edge, “Alright you were right oh great Tony” he smirking, continuing to drink some more water as he leaned against the mailbox.  
Tony plopped down next to him, sighing in content as he saw the familiar head lights approaching them.  
“Hey Tony.”  
“Yeah?”  
A squeeze of his shoulder had him turning in the direction of his drunk friend, a smile falling onto his face, “Thanks for coming with me tonight.”  
“Always bud.”

_“Then you smiled over your shoulder_  
_For a minute I was stone-cold sober_  
_I pulled you closer to my chest_  
_And you asked me to stay over_  
_I said, I already told you_  
_I think that you should get some rest”_

Junior year was a shit show for sure. Probably one of Tony’s worst years in high school. It was the year Clay had fallen for Hannah Baker, the year Tony had dated Ryan and Brad, and the last year of normality that they had in high school. In the moment it was as though they were invincible, the moments where every day seemed to drag on until Friday evening came, but flew from that moment to Monday morning. The year that you lived for Friday nights, and the year that changed everything.

\--Junior year --  
Tony wasn’t dragged to this party, in fact he was the one dragging Clay to the party. Though Tony knew the real reason that Clay actually went was that he had lost his and Jeff’s bet, which he complained about the whole way there. It was Jessica’s beginning of the school year party, which meant everyone was there.  
Not unlike many parties, both Clay and Tony stood, watching the surrounding students scream, yell, laugh, cry; all the while drinking and laughing amongst the uproar of their classmates.  
That was until Clay came stumbling down the stairs looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Tony knew he had been up there for some time with Hannah after finally getting the courage to walk up to her.  
“Whoa, dude wait up!” he yelled, watching as Clay stalled on the front lawn, looking more confused than he had ever seen him, “What’s up, why do you look like you saw a ghost?”  
Clay just shook his head looking upset with himself, “I don’t know, I mean one minute---and then--- I don’t know” he pouted, looking agitated, and swaying a bit from the alcohol that he had consumed.  
Tony took pity on him, “Come on dude,” he said with a gentle squeeze to the shoulder as he led them to the car, “Nothing that a milkshake from Rosie’s can’t heal.”  
Clay had whined along the way, but never the less followed along.  
Around midnight they were asked to leave Rosie’s due to them closing, which is how they landed outside of Clay’s house, sitting on the hood of Tony’s red mustang, enjoying the last few minutes of the night, before Clay would venture inside, hoping he was quite enough for his parents not to wake up.  
“Come on we should both go get some sleep.” Tony finally commented.  
Clay had sighed loudly, jumping off the hood with as much grace as anyone with a buzz could do. He took a few steps forward before throwing Tony one of those whole hearted smiles from over his shoulder.  
Tony’s heart stopped beating for a moment, and it was as though everything slowed down, and was moving in slow motion. Clay’s blue eyes filled with amusement and happiness, his smile, the one he only ever gave to a select few; and in that moment Tony knew. His breath caught in his throat, and he swore the world stopped spinning in that moment. That kid he had grown up with suddenly wasn’t a kid anymore, it was almost as though he was seeing him for the first time. His adrenaline seemed to be racing through his body, every part of him felt hot as though he could never be cold again. His palms felt clammy, and his heart was now racing rapidly as though it were about to pound out of his chest.  
Clay had turned around fully now, that smile still fixated on his face. “Hey you wanna stay over?”  
Tony had forced himself to breath, his eyes still couldn’t detach themselves from Clay’s though. He shook his head a little, clearing his thoughts, not trusting himself to speak until he shook his head, “Naw man, I think you should get some sleep.”  
Clay had just nodded, giving him that adorable grin. “Alright, well see ya tomorrow,” He said, before turning and continuing slowly up his sidewalk.  
Forcing more air into his lungs, Tony tried to shake the feelings of unsteadiness that had surged through him as he slid of the hood. His mind was racing of Clay’s eyes, his lips, his hair, his hands-  
“Tony!”  
His head whipped around, his eyes falling directly on Clay’s lips.  
“Thanks for being there for me tonight.”  
Letting out a breath, “Always.”

_“I knew I loved you then_  
_But you'd never know_  
_'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go_  
_I knew I needed you_  
_But I never showed_  
_But I wanna stay with you_  
_Until we're grey and old_  
_Just say you won't let go_  
_Just say you won't let go”_

 

Some years seem to pass slowly, almost painfully. Junior year was the year Hannah Baker killed herself, leaving behind a mess of lives and memories in her wake. A year had passed and it seemed as though life was finally starting to return to normal once again. The summer of junior year going into senior year was the summer it officially happened. It was also the summer of mixed emotions, tentative glances, flushed cheeks, whispered words, and fast beating hearts

\--Summer –

It was a warm summer evening, the one that was filled with the smell of rain and humidity, the feeling that summer would never be over. A storm was brewing, and if the dark stormy clouds were any indication it was going to happen soon.  
“Hand me a screwdriver” Tony grumped, his head concealed under the hood of his car. Something heavy landed in his hand.  
“You forgot please” grumped the source next to him, a teasing sound in his voice.  
Tony looked up with a grin, “Please” he muttered sarcastically.  
Clay’s response was to roll his eyes, ‘Hell of a time for your car to break down Padilla.”  
Eyes narrowed he scoffed, “Well Jensen if you knew how to use some tools this could have been done, but just for that you are more than welcome to hang out in the rain until it is fixed.”  
Clay’s laugh made his features soften. “I’m just saying, it could be worse.”  
BOOM  
The wind was starting to pick up, the trees blowing with a low whistle sound, the clouds swirling angrily over the two.  
“You think we should find cover?”  
Tony looked up from the hood of his car, “I don’t think there is cover out here bud.” He sighed loudly, cursing a few times in Spanish at the predicament they were in. Slamming the hood down loudly he cursed some more as it started to drizzle on them.  
He noticed how Clay bit his lip, a blush circulating on his cheeks as the angry words were spoken.  
Within a second it was as though the sky’s opened up, and the rain slammed down, drenching them within a moment. The two leapt into the car, laughing and out of breath as they sealed themselves into the safety and dryness of the car. The pounding of rain and the sound of the two trying to catch their breath was the only sound for a few moments.  
BOOM  
Clay was the first to speak, his voice filled with amusement, “Like I said hell of a time for your car to break down.”  
Tony glared again, “Shut it Jensen.”  
Clay just grinned, “Well try the key see if you fixed it.”  
Tony turned the key, emitting a small sound for a moment before going radio silent again. He sighed loudly, letting his head fall back into his seat.  
Clay squeezed his forearm, “Like I said earlier, it could be worse.”  
Tony’s head shot up, fixing a glare in the brunette’s direction, “What is worse than being broken down on the top of a cliff, with no phone, in the middle of a storm?”  
“I mean you could be stuck up here with Ryan or something.”  
That earned a snort out of Tony.  
“Or worse Brad!”  
“Hey!” Tony laughed, “Come on Brad wasn’t that bad.”  
Clay swirled his head around to give him a disbelieving look, “We are taking about the same Brad right?” Clay crossed his arms, turning so his body was now facing Tony’s, “Brad the one who complained if you so much as breathed in a different direction then him, the one who spend 50% of his day gawking at you, and the other 50% glaring at me?”  
Tony rolled his eyes, “Aww come on the dude was jealous of you!”  
“Jealous of me, seriously who would ever be jealous of me?” Clay laughed, his obliviousness had always been something Tony found to be completely infuriating, and yet completely infatuating at the same time. “No one is jealous of me.”  
Tony scoffed, “Because all of my attention was always on you,” Tony laughed.  
Clay rolled his eyes, “Still he was awful.”  
BOOM  
The ground shook as both Clay and Tony jumped as lightning seemed to strike directly next to them.  
He wasn’t quite sure how it happened, but he suddenly noticed just how close Clay and he were. Clay’s head was turned the other way, eyeing the spot the lightning had just hit, but slowly, his head turned to face Tony, and suddenly here they were again, inches apart.  
The air felt thick, their lips inches apart, their eyes both expressive yet guarded, the feeling of each other’s hot breath ghosting across each other’s faces. Tony felt as though his heart was about to explode  
He probably should have known it would finally happen, after all they had been in positions like this before on accident, but someone had always chickened out, laughing it off as they moved further away, ignoring the awkwardness for a few minutes, before they would fall back into the same old routine; Tony ignoring his feelings, forcing himself to keep them at bay, to not ruin a lifelong friendship. He had always been extremely careful around Clay, never wanting him to feel uncomfortable with him, especially after making him aware that he was gay.  
Tony’s eyes darted to Clay’s lips, he had a few lingering rain drops on them, before shooting back to his eyes, those beautiful, questioning, confusing eyes.  
Yet this time felt different. He doesn’t even remember who moved forward first, maybe they both did equally, or maybe the sexual tension in the car had just filled so much that Tony couldn’t take it anymore.  
But their lips met in a tentative, beautiful, earth changing kiss. There were so many emotions there, a bit of questioning, a bit of tentativeness, but more than that a feeling of pure rightfulness, as though this is how it was supposed to be all along.  
Clay’s lips were soft, and exactly how Tony had imagined they would be. His kiss was infatuating, as though if he were to suddenly stop kissing him then he would have no oxygen to ever breathe again, as though the world would stop in a way.  
When air became a necessity, the two pulled away, both panting, their eyes questioning.  
Tony paused a second, really taking in what had just happened. After all it had been something he was waiting to do for the last 2 years. He was almost too afraid to look into those eyes, because if god forbid there was a look of disgust or regret on that face his heart would be shattered.  
But suddenly a hand was tentatively reaching for his, slightly unsure, maybe a bit hesitant, but it had him looking up.  
Clay’s cheeks were flushed a dark red, his eyes glassy as though he were only seeing Tony for the first time now. His lips were parted and slightly red, but he was there inches away still. His fingers finally latched onto Tony’s, and he gave him that crooked grin that he was famous for. His features still held a bit of questioning, as though maybe he were the one that was scared that he would be pushed away by Tony.  
So Tony grabbed onto his hand and held firm, returning a smile as he leaned forward and captured Clay’s lips in a searing kiss.  
This time it was filled with emotion, pent up emotions from years in the making. It was a once in a lifetime kiss, one that you would see in the movies, but this was real life, and this was Tony’s life.  
His hands slid into Clay’s hair, wrapping around the base of his head so he could pull him closer. He felt hands on his thighs, pressure there as weight shifted to get as close as possible.  
Tony could never figure out how people could kiss with such passion, especially when they were in the hallway at school. He had never kissed someone with as much passion as he always saw Alex and Jessica did. He remembered thinking how odd it was, and how anyone could have that much want and need to kiss someone.  
Boy was he wrong, apparently he had been kissing all the wrong people. Because as his lips continued to be connected to Clay’s he felt like he was in heaven. All of his senses were being kicked into overdrive, it was a feeling unlike any other, as though if he were to stop kissing him the world would surely stop. That feeling of driving a fast car down a one way street, flying as though there were nothing waiting on the other side. The feeling of pure rightfulness, the feeling of knowing you were exactly where you were supposed to be in that moment in time.  
Clay let out a small moan as Tony detached their lips and sent a trail of kisses down his neck.  
Wet shirts were discarded, and Tony was sliding him down onto the long seat, putting his arms on either side so not to put all his weight on Clay. Then he really looked at him.  
Clay’s lips were bright red now, puffy, his eyes were glassed over slightly, his hair ruffled, his eyes still sporting a bit of questioning in them.  
Tony grinned, leaning down a kissing his neck once again, enjoying the feeling of arousal that seemed to shoot through Clay’s body, his back arching slightly off of his seat, the sound of short breaths coming from him. He used one forearm to hold him up as he continued kissing every part of Clay that was visible; his toned stomach, his hip bone, his shoulders, his collar bone, before finally reaching back to his lips, hesitating ever so slightly.  
But Clay did something surprising as he hovered near centimeters above him. He looked directly back into Tony’s eyes, his blue eyes expressive, filled with excitement and something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. But a hand brought him back to reality, a hand that was so sure, and gentle as it ran through his hair, until it landed on the back and drew him back down to meet those lips once more, letting him know everything was going to be alright, and this was exactly where he was supposed to be.

_“I wake you up with some breakfast in bed_  
_I'll bring you coffee_  
_With a kiss on your head_  
_And I'll take us to school_  
_Wave you goodbye_  
_And I'll thank my lucky stars for that night ”_

Senior year and college seemed to just fly by. Tony always found it funny that those few years before Tony and Clay became a couple that they had seemed to drag on, and yet now they were about to be graduating college, starting a life together, and it seemed to be just flying by.  
They had grown so much in those years and yet so much had remained the same.  
They still bickered like an old married couple that everyone use to tease them about.  
Tony was still obsessed with his car.  
Tony was still protective over Clay, and had a jealous side every now and then that sometimes came to life. But Clay was always there, reminding him that there was no reason to be jealous.  
Tony had never understood how he got so lucky to have Clay, sweet, compassionate, kind hearted Clay, who for whatever mad reason loved Tony.  
He had been so unsure that last semester of Senior Year, how the two could continue. Clay was college bound, and Tony wasn’t, knowing that college wasn’t for him and never would be.  
“What’s got you so down Padilla, you look like someone crashed your car or something” Clay laughed, throwing a french fry at him at Monet’s.  
Tony glared, “Don’t joke about the car Clay.”  
Another french fry thrown at his face just showed that he could no longer intimidate Clay like he once had been able too. “So tell me what’s wrong, you’ve seemed off all week…”  
From time to time Clay’s insecurities would show, he had this edge to his voice as though he were preparing for Tony to say something terrible to him, something he could never understand himself. But regardless, Clay would still ask the questions, wanting to make sure Tony was alright even if maybe it was something he wasn’t quite ready or wanted to hear.  
“College.”  
Clay raised an eye brow, ‘You thinking of going?”  
Tony shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest, “No but you are.”  
A confused look crossed Clay’s face once again, “And----?”  
The question hung in the air, making Tony feel slightly uncomfortable. Normally it was Tony pressing Clay for information. The kid never seemed to want to express what was going on in that thick head of his. Tony on the other hand had never really had a situation like this.  
Tony groaned, leaning back in his chair a little more and sighing loudly. “It’s just---“ his eyes shifted to the windows, watching as the small amount of traffic traveled through the town, watching as students and adults walked past the window, this was all normal, but what was about to happen was not normal. And though Tony hated to admit it, he wasn’t that great with change. Clay was about to go off to college, experience the world, what if someone better came around, someone better looking, something new. After all Tony was just staying here, in the same old town, doing the same old thing.  
A reassuring squeeze brought him back to reality, and his dark eyes shifted back to the beautiful face of his boyfriend.  
“You’re about to go off to college, and I’m staying here…” the words seemed to just flow from his mouth, “What does that mean for us? I mean Lord knows your hot, and guys are going to pay attention to that, what if you find someone better…I mean I’d be happy for you I guess, but---“  
A laugh stopped his words.  
His dark eyes narrowed and landed on beautiful blue amused eyes.  
“Jensen.” It was a warning tone.  
Clay’s shoulders were shaking, his eyes amused, yet filled with love. “Babe you know I’m going to the college here in town right?”  
Tony’s shoulders dropped, his face looking questioning.  
“Literally the same distance from my house to Liberty, just in the opposite direction…” Clay grinned at him, “Where I think most of Liberty High is going…Nothing too new or too exciting.” He let gave one last squeeze before letting go of Tony’s hand. “Why were you trying to get rid of me? Come on Padilla, you gotta try harder than that.” Clay laughed again, shooting him a small wink, before he squeaked, the legs on his chair slamming to the floor as Tony grabbed him pulling him close and crushing their lips together.  
It was an amazing kiss, like many of their others, but also different. Tony wasn’t a public display of affection kind of guy, he liked to keep things private, and so did Clay. There were very few times that they had ever really kissed in public, especially a kiss like this. Sure they held hands from time to time, and a peck or two here and there, but most occasions, that kind of stuff was for when they were alone.  
“I fucking love you Jensen.” Tony stated as soon as he let him go, sitting back in his seat with his arms crossed once again, as though the conversation the two had just had never happened.  
Clay laughed, shaking his head, “I fucking love you too Tony.”

_“When you looked over your shoulder_  
_For a minute, I forget that I'm older_  
_I wanna dance with you right now, oh_  
_And you look as beautiful as ever_  
_And I swear that every day you'll get better_  
_You make me feel this way somehow”_

Marriage wasn’t something that Tony use to be into, in fact if you had asked him as a freshman in high school he never would have thought he was even the marriage type. Being gay was hard, being gay and being in love was hard enough, but being gay and marrying your boyfriend, that was something that Tony didn’t even think existed. But then suddenly he can see where it started all the way back in that third grade class where he met tat shy nerd, and his whole world changed.  
Truthfully Tony could have cared less to get truly married, to him he was married to Clay, he was his partner in life. But he knew deep down it was important to Clay. He had always been sensitive, had always wanted to belong, and Clay ironically enough wanted to belong to Tony.  
Looking down at his black tux and his white flower he ignored the way his brothers teased him, ignored the fact that his mother and sister cried when they were doing their vows, and tried to ignore the one tear he saw run down his father’s face. His family loved Clay, sometimes he truly thought more than they loved him. Which even he had to admit meant a lot, really meant everything to him.  
The one thing he couldn’t ignore was the brunette a few yards away from him, nodding at something Skye and Courtney were saying to him. He watched as his head nodded, his smile bright, and he shifted from foot to foot ever so slightly. He had always done that. Tony admired the beautiful man in front of him, the one he gets to call his husband forever. Their first kiss was special, nothing too crazy, because well there was time for that later. Clay had blurted to him the day before how nervous he was to stand in front of everyone, say vows, and then kiss. He quickly reassured Tony it was only because he had bad stage fright.  
“Clay there aren’t going to be that many people there, just close friends and family.”  
Clay had rolled his eyes and pouted his lips, just as he always did, “I just don’t like making public speeches!” he had defended.  
Then it had been Tony’s turn to roll his eyes, “Just forget any of those people are there and just focus on me.”  
Clay had given him that lop sided smile he loves so much, “You always know just what to say.”  
As though feeling the eyes of him, the brunette turned, scanning the room, before blue eyes met dark eyes.  
Tony felt his heart stop, just like all those years ago.  
The smile he cast him was knee jerking. How the fuck he ever got so lucky he would never know, but he swore he would spend the rest of his life making that kid as happy as possible.  
He felt his legs move on his own as he walked towards his husband, ignoring the people reaching out, congratulating him, and trying to talk to him. No instead his focus was on the brunette, who was walking towards him, that famous lop sided smile, and when he reached for his hand, he drew him closely, enjoying the blush that crept onto his husbands cheek as he brought him out for their first dance as a married couple. 

_“I'm so in love with you_  
_And I hope you know_  
_Darling, your love is more than worth its weight in gold_  
_We've come so far my dear_  
_Look how we've grown_  
_And I wanna stay with you_  
_Until we're grey and old_  
_Just say you won't let go_  
_Just say you won't let go”_

The sun was warm, and his skin felt sticky from the suns heat mixed with sand and lotion. The smell of the sea mixed with the warm presence of a body curled beside him made him sigh contently as he used his arm that was wrapped around Clay to hold him closely.  
Clay’s chest moved up and down slowly, his eyes closed as his head rest on Tony’s chest, snoozing after a long afternoon of love making. His arm was draped over his chest, hanging loosely now, it had held tight until sleep took over, as though he were scared Tony wouldn’t be there when he woke. Tony always would laugh when Clay would say that, this after all was one of Tony’s favorite past times, he liked to call Clay watching. He would wake early just to stare and take in the beauty that was Clay Jensen…or Clay Padilla now.  
They were celebrating their 10 year reunion in Bora Bora, somewhere the two had always talked about going, and never quite got the guts to venture there, or maybe it was the busy lives they lived. But the kids were with Clay’s Mom and Dad, safe and sound.  
The warm body next to him stirred a little, the hand around his stomach tightening a little. Tony grinned to himself, continuing to keep him close with his arm, and dropped his head to place a kiss on his forehead.  
A small sigh, a content wiggle, and Clay drifted back to sleep.  
It still amazed him how that timid, shy, vulnerable kid still existed somewhere deep inside Clay. Though he had grown so much, that shyness would still come out when they met new people, Tony knew to grab his hand; or when he would get uneasy about something, that timidness would come to full light and he normally just shut down, that is until Tony coaxed it out of him. Lord only knew how vulnerable he was, and Tony made sure not one person ever took advantage of that.  
Tony looked down, admiring the warm, handsome, sexy body next to him. The one that still to this day would blush profusely when Tony spoke to him in Spanish, squirm when Tony would give him that look right before devouring his body, and still to this day made Tony’s heart beat fast with one look.  
A squeeze brought him back to reality, so he dropped another kiss onto Clay’s forehead and relished in the feeling of being here with his favorite warm body pressed against his own.

_“I wanna live with you_  
_Even when we're ghosts_  
_'Cause you were always there for me_  
_When I needed you most”_

Tony always found it funny how Clay and everyone else always seemed to think he was the glue that held the couple together all those years ago. Sure with the tapes and Hannah he had to make sure Clay was okay, he was the one who had to take charge, but more often than not Clay was the glue that held them together, he was just silent about it, going almost unnoticed to an outsiders eyes. Clay was the one always making sure Tony was taken care of; making him dinner, giving him back rubs, loving him.  
It was funny, sure people looked at him like he had it all together, and maybe he did, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel insecure sometimes. After a few failed relationships it was hard to know if he would ever settle down with someone, if he would ever feel that spark that he saw between his parents or the ones you see in the old time movies. But then in walked Clay, and everything changed.  
There were days Tony would have nightmares, especially right after the tapes were made public, there were days that his guilt felt so thick that he could barely breath. There were days he couldn’t express any emotion, would just go for a long drive, trying to forget about the world that was spinning around him.  
There was only one person who was always able to be there for him when he needed him the most, and that was Clay, silent thoughtful Clay. Regardless of his cold attitude, regardless of his foul language, and regardless of his stone cold silence, Clay was always there; sometimes quiet, sometimes distracting, sometimes just along for the ride. Regardless he would be Tony’s rock those days, him taking the place of being the strong guy. He would glare if someone as so much looked in Tony’s direction on those days.  
A smirk came to his face when he remembered one day particularly. Tony was in a particularly bad mood, it was before they were even a couple, back when they were just best friends. Tony’s brother and he had gotten in a fight, leaving Tony moody and quite. Clay had been next to him trying to distract him with his odd sense of humor as they walked along the road.  
“Look Jensen and Padilla finally showing your faces in public again” Montgomery taunted as he passed by, slamming into Tony’s shoulder as they passed.  
Clay glared as Tony continued on, ignoring him.  
“Fuck off Montgomery.” Clay grumbled as he continued to catch up to Tony, which is until a sharp push sent Clay sprawling into the wall.  
Tony’s blood felt on fire, so when he turned around and shoved Montgomery, he was momentarily distracted when a fist socked him right in the eye, sending him stumbling back a few feet. Just as he was about to pummel the guy to the ground, Clay filled his vision, sending a punch at Montgomery that neither saw coming.  
“What the fuck Jensen.” Montgomery whined from the ground, his nose gushing blood as he stared in shock up at the normally very quiet and timid teen.  
“I said fuck off Montgomery” he growled, turning as he held his fist and stepped towards Tony, giving him that lopsided smile and a sheepish grin, before he continued walking.  
Tony and Montgomery both stared at each other in shock for a moment, before Tony turned and caught up with Clay. They walked in silence until they reached Tony’s garage, dropping their book bags and grabbing a seat on the work bench.  
The silence stretched on between the two, Tony collecting his thoughts, and Clay just silently waiting.  
Sighing loudly, Tony finally broke the ice, “My brothers and I go in a fight, something that normally wouldn’t bother me did…” he leaned back running a hand through his hair, “I guess I haven’t been sleeping well either, just added fuel to the fire.’  
Clay grinned from beside him, “Understandable, it’s been a hell of a year.” He sighed himself leaning back too. His hand was starting to bruise ever so slightly.  
Tony stood, grabbing an ice back from the fridge and handing it to him, “Hell of a punch Jensen.”  
Clay had just grinned at him, “Well I’ve watched you a few times, and I was bound to pick up something eventually.”  
Laughing Tony sat back down, sighing.  
“Hey Tony.”  
Tony turned, finding that lopsided smile directed at him, “You know I’ve always got your back, I’m not going anywhere.”  
He had just nodded, unsure if he quite believed it himself. A reassuring squeeze of his shoulder brought a small smile to his lips.  
“Always bud.” Clay said quietly, “We’ll get through this.”  
And for some reason Tony actually believed him.

_“I'm gonna love you 'til_  
_My lungs give out_  
_I promise till death we part_  
_Like in our vows_  
_So I wrote this song for you_  
_Now everybody knows_  
_That it's just you and me_  
_Until we're grey and old_  
_Just say you won't let go_  
_Just say you won't let go”_

“Pops!”  
A voice jostled Tony out of his thoughts, tearing his eyes away from the bright lights of the window.  
“You looked lost in thought there you okay?” their son asked, dropping bags of groceries on the counter.  
Tony nodded, giving his son a grin as he continued cooking dinner for their family.  
Voices drifted from the living room, laughter mixed with words, as their families gathered for another Christmas. It was crazy at times to think that their three children were grown, had children of their own who were growing. How blessed they were.  
A reassuring squeeze as an arm wrapped around his shoulder made him grin as the smell of Clay filled his senses.  
They were older now, but nothing much had changed. Clay still made Tony feel as though he were the 17 year old kid, feeling as though he could do anything as long as Clay was there with him. His heart still fluttered when he would throw him that smile, his skin would still feel as though it were on fire when they made love, and that ache in his heart from Clay never dwindled. His love for him growing more and more with every day that had passed. Clay still pouted, still looked at Tony like he was a piece of heaven on earth, still had that ability to make Tony want to cry when he thought of how amazing their life was.  
Clay kissed the side of his neck, squeezing one more, before refiling his water cup. “Dinner smells amazing Ton.”  
Tony just grinned, his eyes glassy as he watched his husband move around the kitchen, cleaning up after Tony much like he always did.  
Clay had stopped moving, his fingers drifting over a piece of old wood, before turning to grin over his shoulder at Tony, “Hey remember this?” he asked holding it up.  
The old wood had faded a bit over the years, but the carving of the words still stood out brightly. ‘Say you won’t let go’ in cursive, at the bottom the date the two had finally made things official.  
Clay grinned before putting it down, shooting another small from over his shoulder. “I love you Tony, you know that right?”  
“Always Clay, always.”

 

_“Just say you won't let go_  
_Oh, just say you won't let go”_

Tony would never understand how lucky he was to have landed a man like Clay in his life. He would never understand why Clay loved him so unconditionally, why Clay would look at him with such a look of admiration. Clay and the world may not see it this way, but Clay was Tony’s rock, and until the day he died he would make sure Clay always knew that Tony would never let go of him. Loving Clay was easy, and he would always care for him until the day he died, because at the end of the day it had always been Clay. Always.


End file.
